His voice is cutting, but he’s not as angered as I thought he’d be. It’s almost like he half expected me to let him down, and that makes me feel even more worthless.
My heart aches like it’s being torn in half. I’m not sure if I’m in love with Ethan or Finn, but they both have a place in my heart and it kills me to have to choose between them. All of a sudden I feel like not choosing either of them if this is how it’s going to make me feel, all horrible and guilty. Dirty, even.
“I’m a joke,” I tell him, my voice heavy with misery.
He gazes at me, shaking his head. “You’re not a joke. You’re just easily led sometimes.”
“I suppose I should go pack my things,” I say, making a move towards the house.
“Eh, why should you do that?”
I don’t know what to say, so I simply throw my hands out in front of me in the direction of Ethan’s house and sigh, “Just because.”
“Just because nothing. I’m not an egotistical psycho like he is. I can handle you choosing him over me. Shit happens. You’re staying put, so get those thoughts of leaving out of your head.”
“I haven’t chosen him. I’m not choosing either of you.”
Finn laughs and folds his arms. “Ah, feminism has taken its hold has it? You gonna sow your wild oats wherever your little madam takes you, are ya?”
“No!” I exclaim. “And leave my little madam out of this.”
I hold in my need to snicker at Finn’s name for a woman’s private parts. How on earth does he manage to make me feel like laughing when I was all but hating myself? If I lost him as a friend over sleeping with Ethan I’d be devastated. “It was just one of those slip ups. To be honest I don’t think I want to be with anybody, romantically that is. That way I can avoid feeling like such a shithead.”
“We all have to be shitheads from time to time,” Finn chuckles, but there’s a sadness in his eyes – sadness and disappointment. He turns from me now to look over at the RV, swiftly changing the subject for fear he’ll show me the emotions that are bubbling up inside him. It’s selfish, but I’m glad of this.
“If you didn’t stay with Rita last night, that means nobody did. Alvie spent the night with Gabriel. I hope she’s okay.”
He walks toward the motor home and raps lightly on the door with his knuckles.
“Rita, you in there?” he calls. There’s no answer, and when he goes to try and open the door it won’t budge.
“She never locks it,” I say. “Not unless she’s going out and she hasn’t been out since Noreen’s funeral.”
“Maybe she decided today was the day to stretch her legs,” says Finn, pulling harder on the door handle. This time a little bolt of purple electricity slithers over the metal and shocks his hand. “What the hell?” he says, staring at the handle in confusion.
“I think she’s put a spell on it to keep everyone out,” I tell him.
“Jesus, did she get that idea from Emilia or something? And why would she want to keep everyone out?”
“Well, she practically bit my head off yesterday when I tried to hold a conversation with her, and basically told me to get the fuck out of the RV.”
“She did what? I thought she was getting better after the Empath worked on her.”
“So did I. Apparently the effect was only temporary.”
“This isn’t on. She can’t just keep herself locked up in there; it’s not good for her. We need to get her out.” He stands back and puts his hands around his mouth, before bellowing, “Rita! Get your skinny arse out here now and undo whatever spell you’ve cast.”
At this my eyes are drawn to one of the windows, through which I can see Rita standing in the kitchen, making a cup of tea and completely ignoring us.
I walk up and knock on the glass. “I can see you in there. Please let us in. We only want to help.”
Her back is to me. She turns her head ever so slightly, but then returns to making her tea, pretending not to have heard me at all. Her coldness makes me shiver a little.
Glancing at Finn, I suggest, “Maybe we should just leave her for a while. I’m sure she’ll come around.”
He watches her through the window with narrowed eyes. “Yeah, maybe.”
We don’t say it, but it’s clear that we both have our doubts about Rita coming around at all.