It works. Lots of bands do it and it’s just fine, I know they will all be good without me.
Now it’s time for me to focus on what my life will be next. That’s scary and exciting…
I sit at the table, the microphone in front of me, nerves zig zagging through me. All eyes are on me, everyone is waiting expectantly for me to say something profound, but my mind has gone completely blank.
I have had to do things like this before, press conferences, but never alone. I’ve always had the boys around me to steer things in the right direction. They are better at talking than me, which is why it worked so well.
I dart my eyes to one side and see the boys there by my side, supporting me. I don’t think any of them understand what’s going on with me, I know they don’t get my decision because they wouldn’t ever want to leave the band, but they are supporting me nonetheless. They are by my side, helping me through this.
It seems like they are my friends after all. I’m going to make sure I keep in touch with them.
“I am leaving The Puppeteers because I would like to pursue solo options,” I say robotically, just about remembering what Billy told me to say. “I have had a great time with the band, but it’s time for me to move on. I am sorry for this disappointment to the fans, I didn’t mean for that to happen, but I hope they can still support the boys in everything that comes next. The band will still be going very strong. I’m sure they will be coming out with some fantastic new music which I hope you will all be very excited about.”
I’m sure there are many more words that I need to say, but it’s done now. It’s a miracle that I managed to get them out. It will have to do. I can feel Billy stressing behind me, willing me to say everything that he told me to, but I don’t even try. The main points are out there, that’s all that matters. I’ve briefed up the band, I’ve let people know that I won’t be a part of it anymore, what more could they want?
“Erm.” Billy leans across me, I can sense the stress coming through. “If there are any questions…”
Everyone stands up and raises their hand at once. Maybe I should have said more after all. I don’t really want to be stuck answering a hundred things all in one go. This is horrible. A hand rests on my shoulder which I soon realize belongs to Jed. He wants to know that even if he can’t talk for me, he’s here with me.
“Is this because of Callie?” someone cries out. “Are you leaving to be with her?”
I laugh and shake my head. “No. I’m not with Callie.”
“Why did you break up?”
“We weren’t ever together. That was all just media rumors.”
“She confirmed it. She said that you are a couple.”
Billy leans across me again. “Next question, please,” he says sharply, much to my gratitude. I really don’t want to spend this time talking about someone who used me for her fifteen minutes of fame.
“When are The Puppeteers bringing out a new album?”
I lean back and let Jed answer. This isn’t anything to do with me anymore, and that’s freeing. I kinda like that I don’t have to worry about the music anymore. I will somehow find a way to channel my love and passion into something new, something fun, something that I love.
Jed talks for a while smoothly, discussing the process to find a new lead singer and what this will mean for the band. I wonder if I should get a rise of jealousy, but that doesn’t happen. Maybe it will when I see the new singer, but of course, it will be too late then. Hopefully, I will have something of my own then.
“Jace,” someone yells. “What are you going to do next?”
“I… I don’t know,” I admit. “I don’t know honestly. I haven’t planned that far. I have a lot of choices I am just trying to work out which one suits me the best.”
“So, you’re going to go solo?”
That isn’t my plan, but I shrug. “I don’t know. That’s one of my options.”
“If this isn’t a love life thing, and it isn’t to go solo, then what is it?”
The only person I can think of is Addie. I try not to think of her for most of the time because it kills me, but now she floods my mind. I don’t even know what I’m saying, the words just fell out of my mouth.
“I want to see the one person I have loved and lost. I want to see her once more to try again. We shouldn’t, we had our first and second chance, but I know that I will never be able to let her go. She isn’t the reason I’m leaving the band, I made that decision for personal reasons, but she is who I want to see first.”
Fuck. It isn’t until Jed rests his hand on me again that I realize what I’m doing. I’m trying to leave quietly, so there’s no more interest in me and my life, but now I’ve accidently dropped a bomb and people may well go wild.
What the hell was I even thinking? I want to protect Addie from the spotlight, not drop it right on her. Talk about destroying it all over again! It just isn’t meant to be, is it? Yet, I still want to try. One last time and that’s it. I want to know if she wants me enough to stick around, if we can overcome all the barriers that have always seemed to be in our way. I guess I just need closure, one way or another. Once and for all.
29
ADDISON