“I want you here. You’re my best friend, I want to support you, you know that, Nova!”
“But you’ve seen what Jeremy has done to Zane, I don’t want anything to happen to you…”
“He won’t do anything to me, believe me.” Clara sounds fierce. “You’re coming to stay with me. I will come and pick you up this afternoon. Will give you some time to get yourself all packed up.”
“Yeah, right… okay.” I don’t know how sure I am about this, but I know there’s no arguing with Clara right now. “Okay, so I’ll get my stuff all sorted. I better try and contact Zane as well to let him know.”
“I’m sure he’ll be relieved. He doesn’t need this drama in his life.”
Her words hurt, but of course, she doesn’t know what she’s saying is painful to me. She thinks I’m just staying with a lawyer who’s helping me, not that we’ve been sleeping together and developing feelings. Zane might be offended that I’m going but he might also be happy about it. Maybe I have become a burden.
“Right, yes.” I gulp audibly. “I guess I’ll see you soon then.”
We say our goodbyes and hang up the phone, but I don’t take the phone away from my ear for a while. I’m frozen on the spot, stuck in place, while I try to digest this. Clara is coming for me, she will take me away from here, this little chapter of my life is going to be over. Whether it’s a moment of madness or something else, I don’t feel ready for it to be done yet. It’s a shame that it’s been stripped away from me.
I sigh sadly, trying to digest the emotions before I weep some more. My face is still wet with the tears I cried earlier, I don’t really want to add to it. I need to just accept what I can’t change.
“I hate this,” I mutter to myself. “I hate the hurricane of destruction that comes from being me.”
Bad luck seems to follow me everywhere, it’s almost as if I’m not destined for happiness. I don’t want to fall into a pity party because I don’t know how I’ll get myself out of it, but the weight of the world rests on my shoulders. How am I supposed to get the freedom I so desire if Jeremy is taking everything that I want? And he must suspect that Zane is going to help me with the divorce, so he wants that stopped.
I log onto the Internet, about to torture myself some more. I see all the stories about Zane and all the nasty comments that come with it. It’s unfortunate that people seem to want to believe the bad in him when he hasn’t done anything wrong. People are even delighting in his misery, it isn’t right.
“I should go,” I tell myself decisively. “He doesn’t need this. Jeremy won’t let him out of this until I’m out of the picture. There isn’t much that I can do for Zane, except leave him alone.”
So, with a heavy regret hanging in the pit of my stomach, I head into the bedroom to gather up the things that Zane has brought for me. I need them, I can’t live without them now, plus I don’t think Zane has any use for them. I have to pay him back anyway, which means we’ll have to keep in touch. Sadly, even after all of this I still want that. He might not, but I do. My heart won’t be able to take never seeing him again…
* * *
The car pulls away from Zane’s home and I peer desperately out the window, wishing I didn’t have to leave without saying goodbye to him, but he isn’t home from work yet and I have no idea when he’ll be back. I left him a note explaining all the things that I’ve wanted to say but I haven’t had the chance to because I can’t say it to his face. I’ve listed out my suspicion that it could be Jeremy who has targeted him and said that I will do whatever he wants me to do to make it okay again. I’ve also thanked him and said that I’m sorry for leaving like this… the only thing I haven’t said is how I feel about him, but there’s no point in overcomplicating things.
“Are you okay, Nova?” Clara asks me quietly. “Is there something else going on here?”
“What do you mean?” I can barely drag my eyes to her. “I’m just a bit sad about all of this.”
“Hmmm.” I can feel her giving me a side eyed stare. “I have a feeling it’s more than that.”
I hang my head low, knowing that Clara can see right through me. We’ve been friends enough for her to know what I’m like. She could always tell when I’d done something wrong as a teenager and I guess it’s the same now. All the justifications I gave myself while with Zane vanish as I imagine saying what I’ve done aloud.
It doesn
’t matter what Jeremy did, I’ve done wrong as well.
“I… I…”
“You’ve got feelings for Zane. I knew it! I could tell even when I spoke to you.”
“What?” I immediately jump to defensiveness. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You do. I thought there was something in it when you said you were going to his place…”
“I just needed saving, I wasn’t thinking along those lines.”
“It’s okay,” Clara tries to reassure her. “I understand why, it’s just… complicated.”
“I know.” My head falls into my hands. “I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Has anything happened?”