Hollis
I closedmy eyes and smiled even though I felt like hell. Had I been able to do what I wanted to without making a mess, Bates wouldn’t have to see that his money went to waste again.
He always enjoyed making me feel pretty by buying me beautiful dresses, sexy lingerie, and then fucking me in them, but I hated that I had gotten blood on the goddamn thing.
Especially since it cost so much.
As I lay there and let him run his hands up and down my body, I closed my eyes and did my best to relax.
Bates Murphy would never physically hurt me. Emotionally, he’d wrecked me more than once, but he always came home to me and I was sure that Rebecca was the last time he’d had an indiscretion.
Just when I was getting comfortable and hoping that the feeling of mistreating the generosity he so often bestowed on me would pass, something happened.
Bates was touching it.
The one thing that taunted me from childhood, from the moment that I knew I had been born into the wrong body.
But he wasn’t just touching it, he was caressing it and gently stroking it to life.
“Don’t touch it!” I screamed, swatting at his hand, sitting up. But when I saw the look in his eyes, the one that told me that he wouldn’t hurt me no matter what, a sob escaped me.
Even the worst parts of me that I hated, he loved, and he was going to prove it no matter what he had to do.
“Bates, please,” I begged as I placed a hand over my face. “Don’t touch it.”
“Why?” he asked, as he continued to run his hand along the extension. “I love you, Holls. All of you.”
I started to weep.
There were no single tears to be shed anymore, only whole-hearted sobs.
It wasn’t because he was touching it anymore, it was because I realized that he wasn’t going to help me. He was going to make sure that I stayed a monster.
I did my best to sit up, arms shaking and feeling weak, but I managed the task that seemed heavier than ripping Jensen’s cock off his body.
I looked into the eyes of the man I loved more than life itself and begged him with my eyes to let it go.
Bates leaned forward and kissed me again, parting my lips with his tongue as he continued to stroke me and I shut my eyes tightly. I didn’t want it to feel as good as it did; I wanted to hate it, despise the sensation, but it felt so different coming from him.
“Trust me, Hollis. Just like I trusted you,” he said softly as he let go of it. I felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders in that moment of freedom. Of not having to know what it felt like anymore to have it be touched.
I reached up for Bates, pulled him down to rest on top of me as he gently pried my legs apart, then began to press the head of his cock against my hole.
The pain, the burning sensation as he began to ease himself inside of me, stretching me open, was like a release in a way. His reminder that I was worthy of being loved and that he would do anything to show me how much I meant to him.
And sometimes, this was the only way he knew how.
“Steady, Holls,” he whispered as he continued to push his way inside of me. Once he filled me with his love, he grazed his lips against mine, then put a hand around it again.
“Bates—”
“Shh,” he whispered as he slowly moved his hips. I gripped his shoulders instantly as the burning sensation continued, knowing that it would succumb to a dull pain soon enough and that I would never want him to stop.
But he still held it in his hand, gliding his palm up and down the length of it, with each gentle thrust. And even though I knew he didn’t mean it, it reminded me that I was still a monster—an oddity that walked among the normal people, hiding behind makeup and pretty dresses, hoping to one day be accepted.
I turned my eyes away from Bates.
For the first time, since we had been together, I couldn’t look at him. The way he made me feel was indescribable. Full of anger and resentment for not being well enough to be the woman he deserved. Full of longing and lust for the man that I knew would never truly be only mine.